Comments on: You Adoptive Parents Are All Alike

By: Deb Donatti

Deb Donatti — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 23:27:59 +0000

soblessed & mariah, Very good points, well said.
Thanks

By: mariah

mariah — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 22:03:10 +0000

“I really think that if we could respect each adoption as different, as being as unique as a fingerprint, we may be in a better position to not only understand adoption and it’s dynamics as a whole, but to provide support and counsel to those whose life is so very, very impacted by adoption.”

soblessed, once again you put into words what I’m feeling.

By: Deb Donatti

Deb Donatti — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 20:46:16 +0000

Sandra, You are right. Families really all do care about their OWN children, and extending that to include the world’s children does not apply to every adoptive parent (although I often wish that it did).
I suppose sometimes, when typing late at night, my brain wants to make it all less complicated. Just wishful thinking.
*sigh

By: soblessed

soblessed — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 17:05:32 +0000

Ya know, I've been saying, or trying to, for quite a while that all adoptions differ.....sometimes in big ways and sometimes in small ways.

If we acknowledge that each person in the world is unique and no two people are identical, then how much more so would be two sets of parents and a child (FIVE seperate individuals). The combination of personalities makes for an endless number of outcomes for the dynamics of the adoption relationship(s). Yet, so often, you see people talking about "Birthmoms feel _____" or "Adoptive parents do _______" or "Adoptees always ___________".

I really think that if we could respect each adoption as different, as being as unique as a fingerprint, we may be in a better position to not only understand adoption and it's dynamics as a whole, but to provide support and counsel to those whose life is so very, very impacted by adoption.

By: jpdakota43

jpdakota43 — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 15:56:34 +0000

You know, Sandra, that’s an excellent point. That truly is another difference.

By: Sandra Hanks Benoiton

Sandra Hanks Benoiton — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 08:30:33 +0000

I wish I could agree with you on your last point, Deb, but I have too often come across adoptive parents whose personal experience with adoption has been negative, which has led them toward a tendency toward guilt and suspicion that often supersedes the needs of the world's children.

The assumption seems to be that because bad things can and do happen, adoptions should not be allowed to happen. Considering the huge numbers of children without families on the planet ... or with families but trapped cycles of abuse and neglect ... and the comparatively small number of negative adoption experiences, this makes little sense to me.

Attitudes like mine that suggest that the world's children would as a whole be better served by more, not fewer, adoptions are greeted with scorn.

Love and concern for our own individual children is perhaps a shared trait amongst adoptive parents, but expanding that to include the children of the world is, unfortunately, a bit of a stretch.