Some adoptive parents enter into adoptions that are closed or semi-open. For many reasons,they may wish to have more contact with the birth parents, more contact than was instituted at the time the adoption took place. Many of these adoptive parents were "ok" or happy with the adoption being closed at the time of placement. As the years go by, these same adoptive parents may surprise themselves with their desire for more information and contact. This can happen with international adoptions (see my earlier blog on open international adoption). In domestic adoption, adoptive parents may see their children growing older and develop a need to know more about their origins. Some adopted adolescents may have a strong desire to know more about their birth parents and want contact. Sometimes,families are grappling with significant medical issues or psychiatric issues on the part of their adopted child.

Adoptive parents may have been exposed to other adoptive parents who have open adoptions. An idea that seemed fearsome earlier, contact with birth parents,now seems appealing. Finally, in semi-open adoptions, a natural progression occurs. Letters and picture only exchanged through the agency seem unnecessary. The adoptive parents may feel comfortable enough handle contact on their own.

Semi-open adoptions are the easiest to open. Adoptive parents and birth parents have gained trust in each through correspondence. Birth parents may have "healed" sufficiently to accept visits or telephone calls. Adoptive parents may have grown tired of waiting for the agency to pass on information. Sometimes the social worker that handled the adoption is no longer serving as the trusted intermediary. "Going through the agency" no longer feels like "protection" but begins to feel like a hassle instead of a "help"! Birthparents and adoptive parents may ask to sign a release to share identifying information and take over the contact from that point.


Teenagers and children sometimes begin to express a longing and a grief for birthparents - even those they never knew! Opening up an adoption for children needs to be done with care. Many times, adolescents who express a strong desire to search may truly not be ready. Their desire to "search" may really mean they simply want more information or want to talk about their adoption and ask questions. There can be some good reasons for helping children make contact at a younger age but it needs to be handled carefully. I would recommend that adoptive parents seek the advice and counsel of professionals who are very experienced in these areas.

Contrary to popular belief (I have to smile as I type this!) most birth parents do not flip out if contacted. However, it is important to treat the initial contact with care, respect, and discretion. Just use common sense! It is always possible that birth parents don't want more contact and this has to be respected. Information can be given, as many birth parents may change their mind later on.

When adoptive parents want medical history, they must not treat the birth parents as an automatic information teller machine - a drive-by! They should be ready and willing to share enough information about themselves in exchange for the critical information they are searching for.

Finally, I would strongly recommend that anyone considering opening a closed adoption read and reread Patricia Martinez Dorner's "How to Open an Adoption." The author writes clearly and concisely, providing practical tips and insights.

Now,I would like to hear from readers. Do you have questions, concerns or experiences you would like to share? I look forward to hearing from you.