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It’s been a rough, rough summer at our house. One of the most difficult days happened not that long ago. In fact, it’s been a couple of weeks at least. Our family’s been struggling with how to deal with it ever since.
After being out of work for over two months this summer, my husband finally got a job offer. The bad news was that we would have to move fairly soon. We have since worked out the details, and won’t be moving for the foreseeable future, but we didn’t know that at the time. The hardest part was gearing up to tell School Girl’s birth family. We don’t see her birthmother all that often, but we do stay in touch with her and have become close to her parents. For the past 3 years we’ve gone to visit them during the Christmas holidays, and see them at least 3 or 4 times a year.
Two weeks ago, C, School Girl’s birthgrandmother, called. School Girl and her best friend were having a sleepover that day, so I took the call outside. I took a deep breath and told her what had happened. There was silence on the other end of the phone.
Finally I heard, “I have some terrible news…I’m not sure how to even tell you this…” For a second I thought that something had happened to M.
It turned out that J, School Girl’s birthgrandfather, had died unexpectedly two days before. He just went to take a nap and never woke up again. C and M were both devastated. M is a “Daddy’s Girl”, much like School Girl. In fact, when C called us M was out with some friends; it was the first time she had left the house, except for work, since J’s death.
We were stunned. J was, or at least seemed to be, in excellent health. He had stopped smoking several years ago. He hiked in the hills near their home almost every morning. He didn’t drink alcohol anymore. It was a huge, unwelcome surprise.
The worst part was telling School Girl. She was always a little shy around J, but she really enjoyed going to visit with them both. When my husband finally told her the news, she was surprised and confused, but seemed to take it well. Whether or not she actually understands what happened, especially the next time we go for a visit – time will tell.
I have no idea if there was a funeral, or a memorial service, or anything like that for J. I don’t think we would have been exactly welcomed guests. I suspect that many members of M’s family, including her 93-year-old grandmother (J’s mother), may not have known about M’s pregnancy, let alone her decision to place her daughter for adoption. Explaining our presence at a funeral might not have been the right time.
I worry about M. Of course, the other day when I called to check up on C, she talked to School Girl for a while. It was the first time they’d spoken to each other in almost a year. When the conversation was over, School Girl sounded really happy that she had talked to M. I hope M was happy that they had talked, too.
