When It Feels Like your Open Adoption is Closing

Do you feel like your open adoption is not going as well as it once was? Does it feel like the adoptive parents might be pulling away? Or has your child’s birthmom become a little distant lately? Does it feel like the open adoption relationship you have worked so hard to establish and maintain is slowly falling apart?

Ok, first of all, don’t panic. It’s probably really not as bad as you think. Our over active minds tend to make things seem worse than they actually are. So before you freak out, take a breath and let’s evaluate the situation.

Now, let’s take into account everyone’s lifestyles. There could be many things going on in the lives of the birth parents or the adoptive parents that is causing a little less frequency of contact than before.

If you feel comfortable enough doing so, go straight to the adoptive parents and tell them that you feel like the adoption might be closing. Perhaps, they could alleviate your fears immediately, the problem would be solved, and you wouldn’t worry anymore. It could be a simple misunderstanding or hectic time in their lives as I mentioned above, but discussing things with them will help you to know where they stand.

If you don’t feel comfortable enough going to the adoptive parents yourself, contact your agency or attorney (if you used one) and let them know of your fears. Then they could talk with the adoptive parents and again, the situation could possibly be resolved quickly.

You may all need a break if emotion and tensions are high in your relationship. Try stepping back for a bit and then reconvening after a bit of a break.

Perhaps the level of openness is not working for all involved. Mediation or sitting down to discuss the situation may be needed. Adjustments to the contact agreement may be needed.

Unfortunately adoptions are not legally binding and if one involved party ultimately decides to close things, there isn’t a whole lot that can be done about it. And although in this post, I have used the adoptive parents as the ones doing the closing, in all fairness birthparents can close adoptions or not hold up their end of the deal as well.

And don’t ever forget to keep it child centered!

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