Jan just wrote an excellent post entitled “What to call Us.” In her post, she talks about how adoptive parents should refer to us, birthmothers.

Whenever I am out in public somewhere with Charlie and his family, if we run into someone they know, A does not miss a beat. She introduces me as “Coley, Charlie’s birthmother.” She doesn’t say it in a shy kind of way, she says it proudly and with a lot of confidence. I’m thankful that she does that. Her saying it in a confident matter is teaching Charlie not to be ashamed of the fact that he is adopted and it’s also showing whomever I’m being introduced to that they are not ashamed of the fact that Charlie is adopted or of Charlie’s birthmother.

As I type this it seems silly, I have always struggled with how to introduce A., Charlie’s adoptive mother, in public.

Do I introduce her as his adoptive mother? I’m scared that in doing that I make her feel second rate and that is not my attention. I call her his adoptive mother in writing here in the blogs a lot but that is only for clarification purposes. Referring to her as Charlie’s other mother would certainly make her feel second rate, so that’s out. I guess I could just refer to her as Charlie’s mother and depending on how well I know the person, they could probably put two and two together and figure out that she is his adoptive mother. I could just refer to her as my friend, because after all she is my friend too, but I am proud of the fact that she is Charlie’s mother. Sometimes I make a joke out of it and refer to her as “my baby’s momma.” We’ve always referred to each other as our “baby’s momma” since I was pregnant.

So, I’m curious as to how adoptive mothers would like their children’s birthmothers to refer to them in an introduction.

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Related Posts:
Being Charlie's Burpmom
What to Call Us