In open adoptions, titles sometimes get confused. I’m not referring to the title of birthmother but the title of other people participating in an open adoption who do not have a blood relation. This issue has mainly come up in how Noah refers to Charlie’s sister, N, and Charlie’s adoptive mother, A.


Although N and Charlie don’t share the same birth mother they are siblings via adoption. They do share the same adoptive mother and obviously, Charlie and Noah share a birthmother thus making them siblings as well. However, N and Noah are technically not siblings either through blood or adoption but do share a brother and the closeness of our two families intertwined as one makes them often feel like siblings. In fact, when A would refer to Noah as Charlie’s brother, but not do the same with N, her feelings would get hurt. So we all came to the conclusion a long time ago, that although N and Noah are not technically siblings, in our eyes, minds, and hearts they are siblings. We have nicknamed N Noah’s “bonus sibling.” (Someone actually suggested that previously in a comment here and we liked it!) If you think about it, she is an added bonus to Noah’s life and not certainly something that I considered when I was making an adoption plan.

Now that we have the title of “bonus sibling” for N, we need something to call A. Titles really aren’t all that important to us, but we mainly need a way to clarify who these people are when discussing them with or in front of others in a way that I don’t have to share my life story to clear up who they are!

Noah understands that she is more than just one of my friends, that we have a special relationship with her and her family. Since he is in a wheelchair as well, I do talk about her quite a bit as I like to find positive role models who deal with disabilities and handicaps like Noah but are dealing very well and overcoming them. Your “brother’s mother” just sounds odd and it’s a little confusing I think as well. Does anyone else have this issue? Have you come up with a title?

For now, I guess “friend of the family” will have to do and it might be the easiest and less confusing title, but it just doesn’t feel “important” enough when said aloud.

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