A new birthmother recently asked this question:

My son's adoptive mom asked me last night what I wanted him to call me. What does your birthchild call you?

Well, he calls me Coley! And most of the other birthmoms I know, they are called by their first name too.

He does know that I am his birthmother and he has just recently begun to understand that and our relationship. He’s just beginning to grasp the fact that I am more than just a friend of the family, that I’m special to him and that we have a special relationship. I am the one who gave him life; however I am not the one raising him or the one he calls Mom.

I do know other birthmothers who’s children call them other things, something different and perhaps in their opinions a little more special than just her first name. One birthmother is called another languages (I can’t remember what language, but I want to say Russian) word for mother. Another birthmother has a special nickname that she came up with. For example, birthmother Michelle M. is referred to as “Marmy,” the nickname from the book Little Women. I know of several birthmothers who do the nickname thing, but for the most part, I think our birthchildren refer to us by the first name.

And some other birthmothers I have met are called Aunt or Auntie so and so by their children. While I understand the sentiment I think it might be a tad confusing to the child at some point since they are not technically an aunt even though they may have the same type of relationship as an aunt and her niece or nephew.

For the longest time, Charlie called me Cola. That’s how Coley sound when he first began to say it and I loved it. He’s starting to outgrow it now, even though I really wish he wouldn’t!