Open Adoption, Adoption Openness, Adoption Contact

08/02/07

Weddings of the Future

Posted by : Coley S. in Open Adoption Blog at 06:49 am , 378 words, 138 views
Categories: Emotions, Emotional Ramblings

Jenna’s recent wedding series in the Birth/First Parent Blog and the recent marathon of wedding related television shows on the Style Network have the subject of weddings on my brain. I’m not thinking of my own wedding (although it was lovely) but I’m thinking of a wedding that will take place one day far, far in the future. I’m thinking of the day that Charlie will be all grown up and will stand before his friends, family, and God and vow his love and devotion to a beautiful bride.

I’ve let my thoughts wander into the future to Noah’s wedding day and can see myself teary eyed as I light a unity candle. I see myself wearing a beautiful corsage as I stand in family photos to the left of Noah and his bride and her parents to the right. But when my mind wanders into the future and thinks of Charlie’s wedding, I don’t know where to put myself. I don’t know exactly what my role will be.

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I’ve come across a few articles lately that are personal stories of how both the birth and adoptive families were or could be acknowledged in a wedding. In a Minneapolis newspaper, I recently read the story of a young woman named Emily was getting married and honored both her birthmother (who died of breast cancer when she was a young child) and her adoptive mother (who married her dad not long after her biological mother died and then legally adopted her) by having a wedding gown custom made from each of their wedding dresses. After hiring a designer, the beadwork from her adoptive mother’s dress became the bodice of a strapless silk gown worn over the liner of her birth mother’s dress.

Then there was the Reader’s Digest article that I blogged about not too long ago in which the adoptive father comments that he and his daughter’s birthfather will walk her down the aisle some day.

Those examples give me hope and I know that just as I have been included in birthday, Christmas, and other celebrations in Charlie’s life, I will be included in some way in his wedding as well.

2 comments

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Comment from: milesmom [Member]

I don't know if my words can make any difference, but thought I would jump in. I'm the adoptive mother of a son who turns 18 (it can't be!) TODAY.
We have had an open adoption since the end of the first trimester of his pregnancy. My husband and I didn’t enter into the adoption thinking it would be an open adoption… we anticipated just sending pictures, cards, etc., but it turned into so much more than that. We have continued a relationship through the past 18-1/2 years. We picked names together with his birthmother, S and birthfather, L.
S, included me in the delivery room when he was born. When the doctor announced it was a boy, she looked across at me and said “Congratulations, J, you have a son.”

There have been many ups and downs through the years. S and L ended up marrying around 2 years after the adoption placement and our son has two full biological brothers: 2-1/2 years younger, and 5-1/2 years younger.

Lately I have found myself thinking about our son’s wedding. (Which is actually very funny, because he doesn’t even have a girlfriend! He is a very unique young man, and realized several years ago that dating is actually the process of finding a mate, which he wasn’t ready for. So, he has many, many female friends, but doesn’t ‘date’ anyone. He looks forward marrying, and hopes to be the father to a little girl someday. )

Not that long ago when we were talking about this subject, I told my son that he had to find a very, very SPECIAL woman to marry, because she was going to have TWO mother-in-laws, not just one!! So I guess the logical next step in the process was for me to start actually thinking about weddings. And, of course, I wondered how to include the birthparents. I have no doubt that the birth-brothers will be included in the wedding party in some way, but I don’t know how birthparents would be managed.

Today, it finally dawned on me that this isn’t my dilemma! It will be his and his fiancé’s decision!

But, I wondered if anyone out has had a similar situation, or knows of one, and can tell me how they did it?

Permalink 04/23/08 @ 09:50

Comment from: milesmom [Member]

I don't know if my story makes any difference, but thought I would jump in. I'm the adoptive mother of a son who turns 18 TODAY -- (it can't be!).
We have had an open adoption since the end of the first trimester of his pregnancy. My husband and I didn’t enter into the adoption thinking it would be an open adoption… we anticipated just sending pictures, cards, etc., but it turned into so much more than that. We have continued a relationship through the past 18-1/2 years. We picked names together with his birthmother, S and birthfather, L.
S, included me in the delivery room when he was born. When the doctor announced it was a boy, she looked across at me and said “Congratulations, J, you have a son.”

There have been many ups and downs through the years, but mostly ups.
S and L ended up marrying around 2 years after the adoption placement and our son has two full biological brothers: 2-1/2 years younger, and 5-1/2 years younger.

Lately I have found myself thinking about our son’s wedding. (Which is actually very funny, because he doesn’t even have a girlfriend! He is a very unique young man who realized several years ago that dating is actually the process of finding a mate, and he wasn’t ready for getting married yet! So, he has many, many female friends, but doesn’t ‘date’ anyone. He looks forward to marrying and hopes to be the father to a little girl someday. ) Not that long ago when we were talking about this subject, I told my son that he had to find a very, very SPECIAL woman to marry, because she was going to have TWO mother-in-laws, not just one!! So I guess the logical next step in the process was for me to start thinking about the actual wedding. And, of course, I wondered how to include the birthparents. I have no doubt that the birth-brothers will be included in the wedding party in some way, but I don’t know how birthparents would be managed.

It finally dawned on me just now that this isn’t my dilemma! It will be his and his fiancé’s decision! But, I wondered if anyone out there has had a similar situation, or knows of one, and can tell me how they did it?

Permalink 04/23/08 @ 10:00

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