Continuing from the last post of Kacy’s story of being both a birthmother and an adoptive mother…

Kacy and her husband now reside in Florida. They tried unsuccessfully to conceive a child for four years. When she initially brought up adoption, Kacy’s husband shared that he feared he might not be able to love that was not his biological child so she just put the thought on the back burner to give him time to think about it and they continued to try and get pregnant.

Then one day, Kacy’s best friend in Washington State called to tell her about a girl who was pregnant and had planned on placing her child for adoption but had been unable to find anyone that she liked at the adoption agencies she had been to.

“Next thing I knew, we were talking to her on the phone and planning a trip to California to meet with her and her attorney. She decided to move forward with the adoption plan and to place her son with us. She was due in only a few days so we had a lot to do. We didn’t even have a home study yet!”

Peyton was born in December of 2006. Ironically, Chris’s adoptive parents lived very near where the expectant mother lived so while in California, Kacy stayed with Chris’s adoptive parents.

“They let us stay with them for three and a half weeks while were going through the preliminary adoption stuff and waiting for ICPC to clear. They were so loving and helpful to us.”

Kacy readily admits that dealing with the emotions of being both an adoptive mother and a birthmother is tough. In being a birthmother, she has dealt with the sad emotions of mourning the loss of her son for over nineteen years and in being an adoptive mom she has found some joy, but her heart hurts and aches terribly for her son’s birthmom.

“When we were going through all of the paperwork and consent deadlines with the adoption our son was the hardest part emotionally for me in becoming an adoptive mom. I felt so selfish because my son’s birthmom was in so much pain but I had waited so long to become a Mommy and was also petrified that she might change her mind. But of course, though, I understood and believed she had every right to rescind her consent if she chose to. I was so torn emotionally.”

Kacy and her husband now have an open adoption with their son’s birthmother. Since she knew what it was like to be a birthmom and not know much about your child, Kacy was all for having an open adoption with her son’s birthmom.

“We have such a great relationship with our son’s birthmom and I attribute it largely to the fact that we have the common bond of placing our child for adoption. It is bittersweet for both of us. I feel that we are able to talk on a different level then most adoptive moms and birthmoms do because I understand what she has been through. I have literally walked in her shoes.”



Thank you for sharing your story with us Kacy!

Stay tuned tomorrow when I will share the last story in this series.

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Related Posts:
Wearing More than One Adoption Hat: Adoptee and Birthmom Part 1 and Part 2
Wearing More than One Adoption Hat: Birthmom and Adoptive Mom Part 1

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