Continued from Part 1

Lisa initially began searching for her birthmother during her pregnancy as she really wanted to have a medical history to be able to share with her son but did not have much luck.

Once their adoption became open, for the first time Lisa was able to know someone who looked like her and had some of the same personality traits that she did. This made the urge for her to search for her birthmother even stronger.

Finally, after years and years of dead ends, searching, assistance from both her adoptive parents and Josh’s adoptive mom, her birthmother had been located. In January of 2000, when Lisa was 35 years old, Lisa’s husband made the first phone call to Lisa’s birthmother.

“I wanted her to have the choice of whether or not to speak to me. She chose to talk…”

During that initial phone call, Lisa made plans to visit her birthmother and her birth grandmother in their home in Florida that April.

“When I let Josh’s adoptive Mom know I was going, she simply said, “Your taking Josh with you, aren’t you? That is his biological family too.” I could not argue with that. Josh was 14 at the time.

Lisa and Josh spent three days in Florida with her birthmother and birth grandmother. By the end of their trip, Lisa was amazed, happy, sad, guilty, relieved; basically she was feeling any emotion possible. On the way home, Josh shared something pretty profound with her that made her feel good about her open adoption.

Josh looked at me on the plane and said, "That was really hard for you. I have always known you and I am glad that I did not have to endure that trauma. It is definitely better to know you my whole life than to have to meet you when I am older. “

Lisa feels that having the dual role in the adoption triad that she did has had both its advantages and disadvantages.

"I think in placing Josh, I did not have the doubts or feel as though I was doing a shameful thing. I had, after all, been raised by a very loving and close family and understood being adopted. Although, it did not make the pain of loss and other feelings that birthmothers endure any less.

By being an adoptee too, I have had a better understanding of how Josh has felt at times in his life and have been able to help him through those interludes that being adopted made him feel sort of "disconnected", as he called it."

In closing, I asked Lisa if she had any advice for other readers who might be both a birthmother and an adoptee.

“Let yourself love & be loved. Other than that, find the beginning of your life if you can so that you can share that with your child. It is their legacy as well as yours. With finding that beginning you can heal some wounds you may not even know you had, which will lead to a more loving and open relationship with your child and their adoptive family. “

Thank you Lisa for sharing your story with us!

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Related Posts:
Wearing More than One Adoption Hat: Adoptee and Birthmom Part 1

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