Today I was on the phone with my son’s birthmother P. Sadly since she has moved to another state, the extent of our relationship lately has been only through emails or phone calls, when either of us gets a spare moment. With me and three busy children in school, and P with a new job and a quickly growing baby boy at home, those times are beginning to seem fewer and father between. Sometimes the things that change in our lives, are in ways we had hoped to avoid, or with things we have little control over. For me this slowing down of our open relationship with P is one of those things that I had never imagined happening. Now that it has, I am having difficulty with the involved emotions.

I called P today, anxious to see her, as I thought she was coming here to stay for a visit this weekend. Unfortunately (and she probably had already told me, but I am too lame to remember,) the visit has been bumped back to a later weekend. I was sad because we have not been together as a family in what feels like a long, long time. I am missing P, and I am also really eager to meet her new son M, and introduce him to his big brother Carson. Guess I will find myself waiting just a bit longer, as hard as that will be.

I get mystified when I often hear other adoptive parents who are simply dreading a planned visit, going through the motions of contact, and never really seeming to enjoy any of it. I must be some sort of misfit in their crowd, because I really enjoy the company of my kids first parents and extended family members. We may not always agree, we might not always get along, the times between our visits might often feel like an eternity, but I definitely want them around.

Of course in the very beginning of the relationship, I was not always as eager as I am now to make a get together happen. It has taken time, familiarity, and the building of trust over the years since Carson was born to make the what I feel now possible. As difficult as those early visits might have been, I can truly say that I am thankful we stayed our original course. With out commitment from my husband, myself and most importantly P, what we have today would be very different, or no-existent. That would honestly make me more sad, than how I am currently feeling over a delay in our latest planned visit. No visits at all? Now that would really be something to be sad about!

The only really good thing about my finding out that the visit will in fact be a later weekend this month, is that I now have even more time to get my house cleaned up (ugh!) Did I just say that was a good thing?

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Love Thursday- Missing Love

Photo: Artist Tim Hinton


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