Open Adoption, Adoption Openness, Adoption Contact - Visits Part 2: Etiquette Lessons from Miss Manners

Open Adoption Blog

10/22/06

Visits Part 2: Etiquette Lessons from Miss Manners

Posted by : Coley S. in Open Adoption Blog at 08:19 pm , 301 words, 79 views
Categories: Visits

There is no rule book on how to have visits, how often to have visits, where to have visits, and the type of things to do at visits. The adoptive parents and birthparents must come together and decide on all these issues, typically before birth. Often times though, you may feel nervous about asking for visits.

Below are some tips on “visit etiquette” written by fellow birthmom and Miss Manners of the adoption world, Leigh Harding. Her tips are practical and well thought out and definitely worth sharing with you.

Show up on time. If you are going to be late, call and let them know.

Don’t show up late and expect them to be overjoyed to see you if you haven't called.

Don’t cancel if at all possible; especially at the last minute unless of course, something has come up and you can’t help it such as family emergency, your car broke down, etc..

Spend time with the adoptive parents too. Yes, you are there to see your child but you need to have a relationship with the adoptive parents too so include them in the conversation.

Respect their parenting choices and decisions. We may not agree with something but they are raising the child so we must respect their decisions.

Be flexible when setting up the visit. Everyone is busy and coordinating schedules can sometimes be challenging.

Be prepared if there are schedule changes. Yes it happens and it stinks but realize that sometimes it is unavoidable and that you will get another visit.

Bring lots of film if you don’t have a digital camera and be sure to take pictures. Include the adoptive parents in a picture or two and have someone take pictures of you and your child alone both posed and interacting.

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2 comments

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Comment from: Jenna Hatfield [Member]

· http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/

Be prepared if there are schedule changes. Yes it happens and it stinks but realize that sometimes it is unavoidable and that you will get another visit.

So very important to remember. Even though we try our hardest to make everything work, we've had a few reschedules because of illness, finances, and family issues. It happens to the "best of us." Sometimes you need to learn to roll with the punches... even if the punches suck. ;)

Bring lots of film if you don’t have a digital camera and be sure to take pictures. Include the adoptive parents in a picture or two and have someone take pictures of you and your child alone both posed and interacting.

Best advice here. Everyone knows I'm one picture happy Momma. But, sometimes, I get so caught up in spending time with Munchkin and J & D that ... we ALL forget to take pictures! I think I have ONE picture of me and D from our vacation this summer. Of course, I had a bunch of the Munchkin and Nick but... I LIKE D, TOO! :) heh

Great post, Coley!

Permalink 10/22/06 @ 20:40

Comment from: lahdh4 [Member]

I don't know about the "Miss Manners of the adoption world" but I will take it!!!
I am Miss Manners!!!
Love it Coley!!
I have one picture of L(amom) and I together that J took at our last visit and it is one of my favorites.

Permalink 10/23/06 @ 10:04

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