In a recent post I was recanting some of my experience with adoption related hate groups online. It is very sad that so many people out there take the hurt and pain that they have experienced and use it as an excuse to criticize and harass others, but it happens. While I used my other post to talk about what happened to me and what I think causes some people to act out anger in that manner, today I wanted to talk about what I personally have done to turn this negative experience into a positive for myself.

At first I was really overwhelmed by the intensity of the anger that these people were directing at me. Since they did not know me personally I did not see how they could be so bitter simply about my position in the world of adoption alone. After all my experience is not ME (and my experience with adoption is more than as an adoptive mother). It took some time for me to again feel safe after my experiences and from time to time something similar unfortunately still occurs. For me learning to cope has meant a few things. . .

I can’t change the mind of someone that angry so when I see a site that promotes adoption hate, I do not even attempt to try it in that forum. It won’t work when a people are out of the realm of normal thinking, nothing normal you say will make sense, so let it go.

I need to steer clear of situations that have that look and feel about them. When I find a new website but I notice several of the red flags that I know might be a sign of trouble, I move on. This can be hard to do because often the sites appear to be merely promoting “adoption healing” yet if you look closer a few may actually promote blaming, anger, and adoption hate related abuses.

One of the biggest things I have been blessed to be able to do to turn this negative experience around into a positive for me has been to join this blog! Here I feel like although people see adoption from various positions and differing experiences most of us are open to talking in a calm and compassionate manner with each other. The biggest thing is that people who have been through the immense challenges of adoption as a birthparent, adoptive parent, adoptee and foster or extended family all seem to feel safe and welcome to gather and learn here together. People can hear what you have to share, some might actually even be challenged, changed, or learn something new by that interaction.

Mmmmm. . . Lemonade from the lemons!