Probably the single most important thing to have in an open adoption is trust. Trust is not something that happens easily, or occurs overnight, it takes time and a lot of work from everyone involved. Trust is also a two way street, if one person does not follow through then building the trust in the relationship is impossible.

You might be wondering why the topic of trust is on my mind this evening, and I will share that it is because with my middle daughter we have reached a turning point in out trust building with her birthfamily. Tonight I sort of did something that brings to mind those courage building leadership camps, where they ask one person to fall, and just have faith that the others in the group will step up to catch them.

Tonight I am falling, and I am also hoping my safety net has no holes in it.

We are having a visit this weekend. Cierra’s birthfamily is staying at the resort just three miles down the road. We spent the day trick-or-treating, at a costume contest, and eating dinner out together, a pretty fun time. Then at dinner my daughter came over and asked if she could spend the night at her great grandma’s RV where her little half brother and her cousin and aunt would also be. Since my daughter asked, and I do trust her birthfamily, I said yes.

Saying yes does not mean that the evening went on with out a hitch. After Cierra got her pajamas, and I drove her back over to the RV and said our goodnights, I came home to a minor melt down or two. One of the melt downs was mine, I admit that I had some reservations about this expansion of our trust in each other. Mainly I hoped that I was making a good decision. My older daughter also had a difficult time seeing her sister go. She cried a bit and expressed some worry that Cierra would not come back in the morning. I assured her that she would be back, and things would be fine.

Someone who does not know us might well wonder why we would take such a step. For me, knowing that my daughter wants this is one sign. Also knowing that I have put the work into building a good and trusting relationship with her birthfamily (and they with us) makes this seem like the next, logical step. All of that does not mean that some stretching and growing pains will not be felt (and they certainly have been) but we will ultimately be fine.

Despite knowing that, I do not think I will sleep that much tonight. The morning (and our reunion) cannot come soon enough for this mom.

Another Visit, Welcoming Places, Hopefully Less Stress

Pre-Visit Jitters, Finding I Am No Martha Stewart

A Trip to the Apple Orchard

Photo Credit