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01/04/07
Top 10 Ways to Keep an Open Adoption Running Smoothly: From a Birthmom's Point of View
Posted by : Coley S. in Open Adoption Blog at 09:54 pm , 366 words, 150 views
Categories: Communication
Categories: Communication
Deb posted the Top 10 Ways to Keep an Open Adoption Running Smoothly from an adoptive mom's point of view, so now I bring you the same Top 10 but from a birthmom's point of view.
- Be honest! I can not stress this point enough. The old adage, “honesty is the best policy” certainly is true in this aspect.
- Communicate! In order for open adoptions to work, you must communicate. If for some reason, there is something holding you back from a visit, talk to the adoptive parents about it. If you feel uncomfortable about something, talk with the adoptive parents about it.
- Keep in mind that these visits are for your child. They may be counting on them, anticipating them, talking about them, etc.
- If you move or change your phone number, let the adoptive parents know. You would expect the same from them.
- If you don’t have the money to travel to them or if they suggest a restaurant and you don’t have the funds to eat out, let them know and perhaps you can re-arrange your visit at a park or somewhere or perhaps they could travel to you or meet halfway.
- If your circumstances change, let the adoptive parents know so. For example, if you and the birth dad split up and you are no longer comfortable visiting your child together, let them know. I am sure they would be understanding and more than willing to allow separate visits.
- If you feel uncomfortable at family gatherings (such as birthday parties) let the adoptive parents know that and why. Perhaps a little education on open adoption is needed amongst others.
- Discuss with the adoptive parents the boundaries of all involved such as how much communication, how often, how much your child will know and when, etc…
- If you are visiting too much and you need to take a break or have a little space, it’s ok to do so, but let the adoptive parents know what is going on instead of just be non-communicative.
- If things in your open adoption become too uncomfortable, consider working things out with a mediator or contacting your adoption agency (if you adopted through one) for help.
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Comments, Pingbacks:
Comment from: Brittanys1stmom [Member] 
· http://www.birthmombuds.com/showcase_alicia.htm
· http://www.birthmombuds.com/showcase_alicia.htm
Those are great tips Coley. Thanks for sharing them.
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01/05/07 @ 02:59
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