Recently an adoptive mother asked if she should do anything for her child’s birthmother for the upcoming Mother’s Day weekend and if so, which day, Birthmother’s Day or Mother’s Day?

I definitely think any adoptive mother partaking in an open adoption should try and acknowledge her child’s birthmother for Mother’s Day. Why? Because she is important to your child! She is your child’s first mother and she (in most cases) lovingly made a decision to place her child for adoption because for whatever reason she could not care for the child at that time in her life. Placing your child’s needs above your own is the act of a good mother and she deserves to be acknowledged for that.

Does acknowledging your child’s birthmother for Mother’s Day/Birthmother’s Day make you less of a mother to your child? Of course not!! Depending on how old your child is, let this be something the two of you do together. If your child is still a baby, start honoring her now and then when your child becomes old enough he or she can help you.

Some ideas are:

• Help your child make a home made card for his or her birthmother.



• Make your child’s birthmother a picture frame and take a special photo for it.



• Do something cool with your child’s handprint. It’s really cute if you put it on something heart shaped and write “Always in my heart.”



• Write a poem with your child for his or her birthmom.

Now which day do you do something for, Birthmother’s Day or Mother’s Day? This is really your preference or your child’s birthmothers. Casually ask her thoughts on this day if you are unsure and since the days fall together in the same weekend, if you mail a gift it could be intended for either.

I leave you with this poem, written by friend and fellow birthmother, Dax. She wrote this poem on Birthmother’s Day 2005, her first Birthmother’s Day.

Happy Mother’s Day
by Dax Ripka Cartwright

Looking back through times soft haze,
Did you ever realize, wonder, amaze?

Did you fathom this day would ever come?
A family whole, complete with love.

Two loving boys to share their feats.
You hear the words, so plain and sweet.

"Mom, I made this for your Mother's Day."
You smile through the unshed tears,
accepting the gift, treasuring it near.

But, please remember on this day,
another mother...miles away.

She will never hear those words so sweet,
as the tears roll down her cheek.

Mother's Day is dear to her...
Mother's Day IS hard for her.

Her selfless act of love she gave,
came with a price she was willing to pay.

But please don't forget her,
on this day!
The Birthmom... miles away.

In an upcoming post, I'll share with you about the very special Birthmother's Day/Mother's Day my friend Krissy had last year.

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More posts on Birthmother's Day:
Birthmother's Day
Birthmother's Day Events
Our Birthmother's Day Event