In my last post, I wrote about when as a birthparent there are times that you just have to pick up that phone, call up your child’s adoptive parent, and share news that probably isn’t the best. In that post, I was discussing sharing news when there is a medical issue but there are times you may have to share other news that isn’t so great like a death in the family. I get flustered, nervous, and never know exactly what to say or how to do it when I have bad news to share, so I came up with a few tips that will help me next time I have something to share and could help you if you have to break some bad news.

1. If calling make sure it’s a good time to talk, so don’t call in the middle of dinner or some time that you know it will be a busy hectic time. You also may want to ask, “Is now a good time to talk?” and if not find out when is and make plans to call back then.

2. Be up front. As much as you may want to beat around the bush, it’s usually pretty obvious if something is bothering you, so just be upfront about your reason for calling and what is going on.

3. Be honest about the information you are sharing. Tell them what you do and what you don’t know. If they begin to ask you questions and you don’t know the answers to them, then politely say so.

4. Easier said than done at times, but try to remain calm while you are talking. If you get upset the other person is likely to as well, although I know there are times this is just unavoidable.

Finally, depending on the openness of your adoption, the type of news you are sharing, and the relationship you have , you may wish to get someone involved like an adoption professional, case worker, therapist, mediator, etc.


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