In my last post, I talked about how I have recently realized that I was unprepared to answer adoption related questions after Charlie asked me a couple of easy questions. That wake up call has got me thinking about how I am going to handle the hard questions when Charlie comes to me asking them.

In fully open adoptions, birthparents and adoptive parents should probably discuss how much to tell when to the adopted child when questions arrive. While I believe one of the big benefits of open adoption is being able to directly answer Charlie’s questions as they arise, I also wouldn’t want to tell him more than his parents felt appropriate at the time so this is something I have decided that we need to discuss as soon as possible. Prior to Charlie’s birth, we did discuss that I would be able to answer his questions when they came up and we also discussed that he would always know he is adopted but we didn’t discuss much more than general stuff at the time.

So I went searching for information on the net on how birthparents should answer adoption questions from their young children and of course, I didn’t find much. I did however find lots of information on how to explain adoption to children for adoptive parents and some of those tips can be adapted to fit the situation of birthparents and adoptive parents answering adoption related questions from their children.

• As you probably could have guessed, being completely honest is the first and probably most crucial tip. Be as honest as you can when answering questions, even if the questions may make you uncomfortable, sad, or dredge up unpleasant memories.



• Discuss things age appropriately. Obviously, you would not answer a question from a six year old in the same manner that you would a question from a sixteen year old.



• Don’t overburden the child with too much information at one time.
  Let the child decide what parts of his or her adoption story he/she wishes to share with others and when.

I’d love to hear from other birthparents and adoptive parents how they dealt with and answered questions as they came up!

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Related Posts:
Unprepared for Questions
Building an Open Relationship
Explaining the Tough Stuff