I attempted to get up and write this before anyone in my household was up (and all over me) but with no luck. The kids are up and excited about the day. The Macy’s Thanksgiving day parade is on, and we are getting ready to go somewhere else for our turkey dinner. Going somewhere else means no leftovers here at our house. I don’t like that part.

I love leftovers from Thanksgiving! I always thought it was the most fun making all the little turkey sandwiches, turkey salad, turkey with noodles, turkey pot pie, turkey pizza, turkey and scrambled eggs (yes it’s all good!) Now I won’t have any leftover turkey. Well at least I will have what I also always look forward the most, the gathering of family and friends, and the celebration of simply being together. I see some here have posted about how they will be missing that part too, and I feel for them, I do.

Part of me wonders, if my children, because their adoptions are open, will be missing out on the joy of ‘leftovers’ in their life in a different way.

Let me explain.

For me the leftovers symbolize something more than good food, they are really a way for me to drag out the day, keep that connection with my family and roots going, even after the day is long past. When I eat something that we have every year, not only am I connecting to the family member who made it, but to the ancestors who may have passed that recipe down to get it to today. I know my children enjoy our family gatherings, but I admit I wonder if a part of them is missing their own deeper connection to their unique birthfamily traditions, more intensely around the holidays.

For children in an open adoption, holiday visits can really highlight the differences in the way that their two families do things. If your adoption is closed, then adoptive family may be your only connection to the traditions and culture of your birth heritage. All you may know is their spin on things. When you are actually around to witness how birthfamily celebrate traditions, the differences become starkly apparent. Kids see first hand what they are missing, and what they are in some ways no longer as largely a part of. They also might be missing the leftovers that keep those traditions warm and toasty in their minds long after.

Our family will be stopping in to have a brief visit with one of the kid’s birthfamilies. In the past we have gone there, for a full Thanksgiving dinner. We don’t do things the same, and the kids notice and have a lot to say about that. There are the foods, the traditions, the way of doing things that are so different, and sometimes in conflict with how we celebrate. I won’t say that I do not also enjoy some of their family traditions (Cierra’s great grandma makes a mean cream puff dessert!) but I find myself wishing the kids did not have so many different things to feel about the day. There is a somewhat safe, comforting feeling in long standing traditions, but perhaps not so much if you don’t know which ones you should be choosing. I guess my biggest hope is that somehow my children will find comfort and connections in any combination of traditions from both their two families.

Please have a Happy Thanksgiving, no matter how, or with whom you celebrate!


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