Some birthmothers may find writing letters to their child is healing and therapeutic.

Like with most therapeutic activities, there is no wrong or right way to write letters to your child, whatever works for you and makes you feel better. Some birthmothers write to their child monthly on the day they were born. For example, J’s son was born on the 16th of the month so every month for the first year of his life she wrote a letter to him on the 16th of the month and then continued to as she needed to over the following years. J. says that writing her son was therapeutic and if made her feel a connection to him and closer to him even though he was a few states away. She keeps her letters in a journal but the journal contains only letters to her son. One day, she hopes to share the letters with her.

Some birthmothers in open adoptions choose to write a letter to their child after a visit. After each visit with Charlie, I write a short letter to him about our visit. I wrote about what we did, where we went (if we went anywhere), and anything cute that he said or did. I usually keep these letters in a file on my computer and will share them with him one day.

Other birthmothers may write to their children when they are just especially missing them. Birthmom L. writes to her daughter when she is especially missing her. She will cut the current date out of the newspaper and then pen the letter on paper. She puts the letter in an envelope but doesn’t mail it; she keeps it in a box for her daughter and will share them with her one day. She finds that writing the letters make her feel better.

Lots of birthmothers write to their children on their birthdays. Some mail those letters and others save them for when their children are older.

Writing letters to your child can definitely be therapeutic for birthmothers and can sometimes make you feel closer or a connection to your birth child.

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