Most kids have been back in school for a few weeks now. School started here at the end of August. Charlie is now in the first grade.

When Charlie went to his first day of Kindergarten two years ago I was pretty emotional. Like so many of the moments in open adoption, it was bittersweet. I was of course, excited for Charlie, but at the same time I was well aware of what I was missing.

Also, like many of the moments I have experienced in my adoption, I thought that those moments would be isolated to that year. I thought the feelings I was experiencing were because it was his first year of school. I wasn’t anticipating that things would be just as emotional on the first day of school the next year. But once again, I was wrong. It was emotional.

And now, this year, the first day of school was once again emotional. ((I couldn’t help but be sad on the first day of school as he headed off to the first grade at a new school. I couldn’t help but stare at the clock around eight AM that morning, knowing that he was probably in class. Around noon, I wondered if he was heading off to lunch. By three, I wondered how his day went.

Charlie did call me that evening to tell me all about his first day of the first grade. He was so excited and so proud of himself. I am proud of him too and made sure to tell him that in that conversation. While it was great to hear how his first day of the first grade went straight from him, it also made me sad. Bittersweet – that’s the best word to describe it.

I am noticing the pattern here. I know I will probably be emotional on the first day of school next year. And the year after that. And so on. I’ll be prepared. I’ll think ahead. I’ll know it is coming.



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