Today on Oprah the topic was the great divide between stay at home mothers and those who work outside the home. This seems to be a battle that has pit mom against mom for far to long. Each side holds beliefs they feel are benefitting their children, but neither completely agreeing that there is more than one way to be a good mother.

I could not help but see a correlation between this ongoing struggle about who is right and wrong among the mommies of the world, and the similar mommy war that we as birth and adoptive mothers often wage with each other.

Choosing not to parent a child of our creation, choosing to parent a child not of our creation, each of us looking for the acknowledgment among other mothers that our choices are indeed somehow benefitting our children. Why do we as MOTHERS find it so difficult to stand in support of the choices of fellow MOTHERS?

Can there ever be a winner in such an emotional debate? Does there really need to be?

What mystified me more is WHY are we as WOMEN are not supporting each other better, no matter what our decisions? To work at home, to work outside our home, to adopt, to chose an adoption plan? WHO ELSE is going to better understand what we want for ourselves and for our children? WHERE ELSE are we going to go to find acceptance but among our peers, those who struggle with the same things we do?

Ultimately we need to give that desperately needed support and approval to each other. We are all in this for the same reasons, to do the best we are able for our children.

When thinking along the lines of adoptive moms and birthmothers, our positions seem opposing, yet our unique experiences with motherhood provide clear evidence of how strongly ALL mothers need to unite in support of each other.

The very essence of self esteem, confidence, security, the ability to succeed for our children, heavily relies on how much we can find the positive in the choices that our child’s other mothers are making and have made. Like it or not, we are in this together. Even the adoptive mother who has no contact with or concept of their child’s first mother can support her through fostering an image of love and concern about her to their child.

I encourage each of you to find a way to connect and support some fellow mom who needs it today. Call a friend, offer some kind words to a woman you may know who is a birth, or adoptive, a stay at home, a work away from home mother. Talk to your child about their first mother with love, send your child’s adoptive mom a little email to say that you value what she brings to your child’s life. Even little ways can make a big difference to a mom who is struggling to feel valued.

Come back and share your thoughts! After all I am a fellow mom who needs your positive comments too!