Well my visitors of the last three and a half weeks have left us today. I really enjoyed having my nieces stay with us, they will be missed by everyone here. My girls enjoyed playing with their older, “cool” cousins, and my little son enjoyed the extra pampering he received. We really all wanted to keep R and K forever. The sad detail in this visit, is that it was just one of many similar sad goodbyes over the years for us, and it made me again wonder why it has to happen.

The girls started coming to us as babies, being raised by a mother who bounced them around in her uncertain, mostly unstable world. We became their respite care. The topic of adoption came up many times over the years, as we wanted to give these girls a stable home. Their mother would never permit an adoption, even though she continued to play a game of hide and seek with social services in several different states. Eventually the system did catch up with her, and the girls were removed, placed in the care of one of the girls father. He is working hard to provide a better home that which they came from, but at times the situation is less than ideal.

My realization with this visit is, our own home is sadly not in a situation to absorb the girls for anything longer than the standard visit any more. We just don’t have the resources they need as we did years ago. The challenges of now having three children to raise, as well as the behavioral difficulties of our middle child would severely limit what we could do for these girls now, no matter how much we want to, and how much they might need it. In spite of this knowledge it still is difficult to return them again.

Years ago we would have taken these girls into our home and immediate family without hesitation. To understand that things have changed enough prohibit us from still offering a more permanent home, hurts as much as it does to have to send them back into their situation each time. Though I have never been a foster parent in the typical sense, I can well imagine that this a frustration they must often face. Loving children and having to send them back into an uncertain life is a painful thing to do.

While I have faith that the girls father will do the best he is able, I still worry and wish I could do more for them myself. The difference is that I know to attempt it would be taking to much away from the three children I have committed myself to as a parent. The love is still there, it is just outweighed by the needs of the children that I could permanently call my own. I always wanted to do the same for R and K, but it was always, sadly out of my hands. Now I can simply hope that the years of visits here and there, will help them in some way to feel like no matter what we have always tried to be a safe harbor in their chaotic lives.

Last evening while the girls were listening to some old cd’s we have around, I came upon a favorite of mine, "Goodbye Girl" by Bread, and the first set of lyrics made me feel the impact of R and K’s impending departure today. Oh I know it's a love song, but the words just seem appropriate.

All your life you’ve waited for love to come and stay
And now that I have found you, you must not slip away
I know its hard believin the words you’ve heard before
But darlin you must trust them just once more... cause baby
Goodbye doesn’t mean forever
Let me tell you goodbye doesn’t mean
Well never be together again
If you wake up and Im not there, I wont be long away
cause the things you do my goodbye girl
Will bring me back to you.

Goodbye my girls, we will miss you every minute you are away, just as we always have. Please believe that we will always be there when you need to reconnect, to find a place to get away, or as your port in the storms of life. We are family, despite the miles and time between us, and goodbye definitely doesn’t mean forever.

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Photo- Copyright Deb Donatti