The first visit in an open adoption is probably the most emotionally difficult visit of all, at least it has been thus far for me personally. It’s exciting, scary, and overwhelming all at the same time.

The first visit may be weeks or even a few months after the birth and relinquishment of your baby. Your baby is surely to have changed a little bit.

A fellow birthmother friend is about to have her first visit since the birth and relinquishment of her daughter and she is very nervous and anxious and has asked for some advice on how to deal with all her feelings.

First of all, know that your feelings are normal. Being nervous and anxious before your first visit is totally normal! Also, keep in mind on that first visit, that the adoptive parents are probably just as anxious and nervous as you are. After all, you all are still trying to feel your way through all of this.

You know going into this that is going to be emotional, so you may want to bring a support person (friend, family member, or significant other) with you to the visit. I’d run it by the adoptive parents first just to make sure they don’t have a problem with that, but I’m sure if you say why they will be fine with it.

Ask to meet where you will feel most comfortable. If you’d feel more comfortable in a neutral location as opposed to your home or the adoptive family’s home, suggest meeting at a park, restaurant, or mall.

Don’t over stay the visit. When you begin to feel like it’s been enough emotionally and you can’t handle much more, begin to wrap up the visit.

Know that shedding a few tears is ok, expected, and healthy. Be prepared and put a few tissues in your pocket.

And last but not least, don’t be afraid to hold your baby! I can remember wanting to grab Charlie and snuggle with him the instant I walked into his house, but I didn’t want to be rude or for A to think badly of me if I did, so I waited awhile before holding him. She later told me she wanted to hand him to me the second I walked in the door but she didn’t want to make me uncomfortable either!

Enjoy those precious moments with your baby!

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Related Posts in this Series:
The Importance of Visits
How to Plan a Visit|
Visit Activities
Preparing for a Visit Emotionally