Most birthmothers would agree that their child’s birthday is a very emotional day for them.

In the days leading up to my son’s birthday, I find myself reliving all those last little moments he and I had together. I think about the last doctor’s appointment where they told me I need an ultrasound right away. Then, I relive that ultrasound, when they decided I needed to go to the hospital right away. I relive calling everyone who needed to be called and informing them an emergency c-section was ordered. I relive the excitement of meeting my son for the first time and spending time with him. I relive the kind thoughts, cards, and gifts from friends, family members, and other visitors. And of course, I relive signing the papers just a few days after his birth….

It’s a lot of dredging up memories. It can be overwhelming and emotional. I sometimes try to turn my mind off (especially at night when I’m trying to go to sleep!) but it’s almost inevitable for me; my mind and heart just automatically wander in that direction at this time of the year. They are not all sad memories. There are good memories mixed in with the sad ones. Again, my favorite adjective comes to mind: bittersweet.

But birthdays aren’t just about the past; they are about the present and the future too. It’s about celebrating our child, who he is and who he will become.

When I was child, birthdays were very special. We always had big parties with lots of friends, goodie bags, and home made (but decorated to the nine!) cakes. Sometimes I do get a little sad, that I am not the one planning Charlie’s birthday parties but A. (Charlie’s adoptive mom) has always done such a great job to make me feel included and a part of his birthday celebrations as much as possible.

So, fellow birthmoms, tell me what birthdays are like for you? Do you relive all the moments leading up to your child's birth? Are you conflicted emotionally too?

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Related Posts:
Birthday Candles
Your Child's Birthday
Confused about the key players in my adoption story? Read the cliff notes version to quickly learn who's who.