The Do’s and Do Not’s of Empathizing with Birthmothers – Part 2

We, as birthmothers, know that you do love us and you do want to be supportive and be there for us but sometimes you are at a loss as what is the right thing to say or do. Below are some suggestions of positive ways you can support the birthmom in your life.

The Do’s:

1. Support and honor her motherhood. Recognize the fact that even though she is not parenting her child, she still is a mother.
2. Think of her and show your love for her on the tough days through out the year. Mother’s Day and her child’s birthday are two very tough holidays for a birthmother. Send her a card on Mother’s day and let her know that you are there for her on her child’s birthday.


3. Just listen to her. Sometimes she just needs a person to vent to, to share her feelings with whether they are negative or positive feelings. Just listen to her and let her know that you are there for her anytime she needs you.
4. Allow them the time they need to experience the many emotions that go along with being a birthmom. It will take them a little time to grieve and will never totally go away. They will always think of their birthchild. Acknowledge their mixed emotions and encourage them to recognize them as they come along.
5. Let her talk about her child and share pictures if she is participating in an open adoption. She’s still a mother and like any mother loves to brag and show off pictures of her child. Let her do this with you.
6. If she shows you pictures of her child, acknowledge features that she and the child may share. Nothing makes me prouder than someone telling me that my son looks like me.

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