I received an interesting email last week, just about the time the news hit the press concerning the transfer of baby Max back to the Stocklaufer family. The return of the baby was supposed to occur December 31st, ordered by Judge John R. O’Malley. This was a reversal of a previous decision by commissioner Allen in the family court. Unfortunately the transfer didn’t happen at all.

The email I received was from someone claiming to be a friend of Tandy and Scott Kraus, of Grain Valley, Missouri. This friend wanted me to understand the position of the Kraus family, and how they have been wronged in this situation. I admit that I was curious to ask them a few questions and hear their perspective. I did give them a phone call, left a message on their machine, but I have not heard anything from them.

The Kraus family accepted placement of baby Max when he was removed from the Stocklaufers back in July. They met and were informed by the Stocklaufer’s that they would be doing everything in their power to regain custody. Almost six months to the day later, the family court appears to be in violation of normal Missouri adoption procedure. The Krauses appear to be scheduled to finalize their adoption before commissioner Allen in Jackson county family court on January 17th, while the Stocklaufer family is in appeal on their original petition.

As I understand things, it is illegal in Missouri to hear a second petition for adoption on the same child before the first petitioners have left the appeal process. I am now confused about how the Kraus family can finalize an adoption when the Stocklaufers are still in appeal. How did they get almost immediate approval on a petition to adopt Max anyway? I understand that there will be a hearing on Monday January 7th to clear up this issue of whose petition will be presented for the adoption of baby Max, and perhaps resolve the dispute of who will get custody at that time.

The transfer on the 31st did not occur, the Krauses apparently refused to acknowledge the second courts ruling (you can find Mrs. Kraus saying as much on a KMBC You-Tube video.) I would have to think that technically the Krauses are in contempt of court if they refused to return Max. While I am sure they are not malicious people, I do believe that they were ill advised. DFS originally may have improperly informed them about the risk at the time of Max’s temporary placement.

While I certainly have sympathy for what the Krauses have gone through, and I do believe that they have been badly wronged, I have no question about who wronged them. It was not the Stocklaufer family, but Missouri DFS, and the family court system. I hope that soon better judgment will prevail to help decide Max’s long term best interests.

In my opinion it was the Missouri DFS who wronged the Krauses (along with wronging the Stocklaufer’s and above all Max) by immediately handing over the child and promising the Krauses adoption of him. They knew that the Stocklaufer family would be appealing the baby’s removal. Beyond that this was a kinship adoption for the Stocklaufer’s, and if the baby was removed why did the state not turn to other extended birthfamily to seek familial placement of him? This is a serious example of how grievously wrong Missouri’s system is, and so many have been hurt in this situation, most of all a little boy named Max. If you want to read more about how situations like this can turn out, see my recent post about my own nephew!

The Stocklaufer’s were also wronged. Many do believe that Gary Stocklaufer’s weight was enough of an issue with the court that Gary sought out serious (and dangerous) gastric by-pass surgery. They were also misled by their original attorney about the law and their transfer of Max between the states of Texas and Missouri. Let’s face it, adoption laws are complex, and seriously messed up! Each state, even counties with-in a state differ greatly. It would be easy to be misled and make an error. Did that error warrant the swift and permanent removal of Max from his entire family of origin? I don’t think so. I believe the original commissioner’s ruling was not taking so many things into consideration, that I am not surprised it was questioned and reversed.

While I certainly do not wish the Kraus family any ill will, I do not believe they should be finalizing an adoption of this particular baby. They appear to be a loving, and qualified family who would provide a wonderful permanent home for a child in need, but that is the key issue for me, because I do not believe that baby Max is in need. Max has the Stocklaufer family, hard working, caring people, who are capable parents and have never given up on getting him home.

Max also has a birthmother who despite her troubles, made a plan for his long term best interests. Just because she has other life issues does not mean we should discount the value of her judgement for her son. She chose extended family so Max would have the benefit of knowing his roots, and be able to keep in contact with his siblings who were adopted by other family members. This mother knew that her cousins the Stocklaufers had been licenced foster parents, as well as adoptive parents before, giving her every proper reason to trust her selection of them would be in Max’s best interest. She did not throw him in the trash, she made a proper, considered decision for his care.

It appears tomorrow morning’s court hearing will reveal some new twists and turns in the story of little baby Max’s life. Someone is going to be heartbroken by the results no matter what, and I have real empathy for each of the families regarding that. The fact is though, that this is not about the adults, it is about what is best in the long run for Max. In this mother’s opinion, no matter how wonderful, loving, and 'deserving' the Kraus family might be, I feel strongly that Max will do best in the home where he was originally, lovingly placed by his first mom.


Read other related posts here...

Validation, The Stocklaufers, And Hope On The Mountain

Missouri Man Deemed Too Obese To Adopt - *Update

Outraged? Take Action!

The Birthmom in the Gary Stocklaufer Case

A Blue Ribbon For Baby Max

Still have Baby Max’s Birthmom on My Mind

Discrimination in Adoption

For the good of the child ... says who?

Birthmom Of “Baby Max” Stocklaufer Speaks Out


More on how biological families may feel about adoption separations (my perspectives)...

The ‘Not Knowing’ Is Over... Sort Of

Birthfamily - How It Feels To Be Invisible

Hidden Birthfamily Loss


Photo