Currently I am still under the weather, and my husband has had to step up to handle some of the logistics of a birthfamily visit yesterday. Usually the responsibility for making arrangements and carrying out contact rests squarely on my shoulders, but with the holiday frenzy, and my feeling very, very yucky, I had to pass the baton. Last evening he took our oldest daughter to attend an anniversary dinner for her birth grandparents at a local restaurant. I am sure things went well, our daughter had a good time, I just hope dad did not fall asleep (yes he has been known to do so during visits.)

I don’t have to wonder if I am the only mom who really does all the planning, contacting, and preparation for an open adoption visit, I am pretty sure that falls into the ‘women’s work’ category. I would bet that other moms have experienced some of the same issues with their husbands. Guys just do not tend to think, plan, or worry the way that women do. Often I wonder if my husband has the same feelings and emotions about visits as I do, he just seems so unstressed by it all. I doubt that it is for any lack of interest, perhaps it really is just simply a guy thing.

The dinner apparently was very fun for Danika. There were about 20 of her extended birthfamily present, including a few cousins she had yet to meet. Part of me really wishes that I had felt up to going, as I am the one who usually remembers the names and faces better, and files them away in my mental roll-a-dex until our daughter might want the info later. I also often write down names and other information for our children so they will have it when they want it. This occasion was a real missed opportunity for me to do so, and my dear husband just does not think well along those lines. When they got home I found he had also neglected to bring the camera (insert a very long sigh here.)

Ok, this is not a post to bash my spouse in any way, just one instead to point out the men and women often differ on what is important in the open adoption relationship. I see all the contact, and little nuances in our birthfamily visits as important fragments to place into the life story of our children, my husband, not so much, but he means well. Ultimately I had to just laugh it off though, he does things how he does things and that is all. The Bob Hope ditty, ‘Thanks For The Memories’ comes to mind, although I had to say thanks for NO memories dad, better luck next time.



Photo Credit

Another Visit, Welcoming Places, Hopefully Less Stress

Pre-Visit Jitters, Finding I Am No Martha Stewart