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Recently a family member of someone that I posted about(and received many comments on) was nice enough to read the post and leave her take on the situation.
The original post was concerning birthmother Liliana Gullo and the open adoption of her son Caleb. After many thoughts were expressed about the original article, Liliana’s sister Jessica was nice enough to offer her own very thoughtful comment. I felt what she had to say warranted it’s own update post of sorts, so here goes.
Comment from: jgullo
I am Liliana’s sister. It is very enlightening to see all the different opinions as to my sister’s emotions on the day of the finalization. It was not a sad day; it was a day of resolution and rejoicing. Besides this is just one of about a hundred pictures the paper took that day, many of which she was smiling in. I don’t know if the editor chose this picture purposely so my sister would appear sad, but this was not the case. Giving Caleb up for adoption was one of the hardest decisions my sister will ever have to make. It is true this was not an easy decision, and there was much pain involved. But to truly know how my sister was feeling that day you would have to know the entire story. My sister and I are the oldest of six children and were very close growing up we were very close. We didn’t see much of Liliana after she graduated and moved out, and we all worried about her. I felt I had lost my little sister; all I could do was pray for the Lord to protect her. When she found out she was pregnant, she moved to Tulsa to conceal it from us, and we didn’t see her for about six months. After the original adoptions plans fell through, she moved back home and surprised us with Caleb. It was then her ex tried to come back and take control of things again. She knew she had to do something to protect herself and her son. She started to consider adoption again, as she felt this was still God’s will for Caleb’s life. This is when Crisis Pregnancy Outreach, or CPO, came into the picture. CPO is a non-profit ministry for women. They are not an adoption agency. They help women who choose adoption as well as those who decide to keep and parent their children. No money is made; no one profits. All work is done by volunteers, including legal counsel, and medical assistance. Back to the story… Knowing that we had all spent three months bonding with out nephew (and my parents their first grandchild), Liliana knew a closed adoption was not her desire. CPO offered a wonderful alternative. After meeting several families, Liliana choose to place her son with the Maddox family and a new chapter began.As a partial player and bystander during the midst of the “chaotic situation”, it was extremely difficult for me to accept my sister’s decision to give my first nephew up to another family. However, looking back one year later, I could never have imagined the plan the Lord had for our families. Liliana is new person; she has broken free from the hold her ex had on her. Caleb is loved by many people, and he has a mother, father, brother, aunts and uncles, plus two proud grandparents. (Not even counting all the Maddox’s family!) At first I selfishly though of how it would affect me. I knew this was terrible, but it was my valid feeling. I prayed the Lord would give me the strength to support my sister. Now I know God saw the whole picture, and He still knows what is yet to come. The Maddox’s are apart of our family now and we are apart of theirs. We are able to be there to watch Caleb grow up and be apart of his life. As a close knit family, this is something that was very important for all of us. The Maddox’s are able to give Caleb more than Liliana could, and we are still considered his family. And, yes, Liliana is happy. She is a new person and she is confident the Lord guided her every step of the way. God took a situation that most of the world would view as less than ideal, and made each piece fit perfectly. What more could we ask for?
I want to thank Jessica for her insight, and wish all the best to both of little Caleb’s families!
Photo Credit:Michael Wyke/ From the Tulsa World, not an endorsement
Hi,
This is Liliana Gullo the birthmom this article was written about. I would like to give a few insights on the story that might not have been understood by the readers who originally posted comments.
My sister Jessica posted my background story above, so I will start from when I picked his family. I found CPO (Crisis Pregnancy Outreach) while I was 6 months pregnant with my son. CPO is a non-profit crisis pregnancy ministry; no one takes a salary it is run purely by volunteers and donations. Cheryl Bauman, the founder and director, came over to my house the day I called her and brought me about ten life books of families wanting to adopt. I had been working with a law firm in OKC already for about three months. They were having a hard time finding a family that would accept a bi-racial baby and raise him in a Christian home. Cheryl educated me that they specialize in open adoptions and only placed children in Christian homes. At that time I wasn’t sure I wanted an open adoption, my family didn’t know I was pregnant or that I was planning on placing their first grandchild, I also thought it would be easier to forget about the hole thing if he was out of sight. I thanked Cheryl and moved on to continue with the lawyers in OKC.
After delivering Caleb Michael I tried to work things out with my son’s birthfather so I wouldn’t have to place him. We parented him for a month until I had enough of his abuse and threats to take Caleb from me.
Now I had formed a mothers bond with my little Caleb and I couldn’t even think about adoption. After two months of living with my Sunday school teacher from high school, I had no car, no money, no job, no place to make our home, I prayed that God would open the door for me and my son to have the best life he had planned for us. I wasn’t willing to accept that He might still be calling me to place my son with a loving family that could provide for him what I couldn’t. I bargained with and begged God to drop a car, house, job, and a million dollars my way so I could do this my self. Finally one day while praying for our future, Cheryl just popped into my mind! I had never thought about her since that day we first met. I searched for her on-line immediately and called her at ten that night.
My family and I went to Tulsa that weekend to interview families hoping to adopt. My parents and I agreed that the Maddox’s were the best parents for Caleb.
At first the open adoption was awkward for me because I had picked my family after my son was born, unlike most birthmoms who choose families while they are still pregnant so they have months to build a relationship with the parents. Becca made it easy to open up too, and soon we were just like sisters, gossiping and talking about being mothers. She never took that role of a mother from me. We don’t co-parent by any means, but even though I am not his full time mom I am his birthmom. Sometimes we even joke about it; if he has a dirty diaper Becca will try to get me to change it by saying, He’s your son too! The openness of our relationship has been a dream. My parents are still his grandparents and we take trips to OKC to visit them. Becca calls me to come baby-sit and even stay the weekend so her and Jason (her husband) can get away. I think the best day so far was on Caleb’s first birthday, they included me in their family vacation to Disney World!
On the day of Caleb’s Finalization I was in the courtroom. I know the pictures posted in the paper were very misleading to show me sad and even mad. Those emotions were nowhere in my heart at all. When the Judge announced Caleb Michael Baxter Maddox was now officially a Maddox, my heart was overflowing with joy and every other happy emotion that could be felt. Caleb turned and smiled at me as if saying thank you and I love you too!
God has answered all my prayers in ways I never could have imagined would work. I now have a new family for my son and they will always let me be a part of his life. He now calls me Nana and once he is old enough, he will know that I am his birthmom. I love my son a and his family, most of all I love God for working it all out!