Many who are involved in the world of adoption feel openness is one of the best ways to see the placed child feel secure in their adoptive home, minimize feelings of loss, and feel valued and important to their family of origin.

If the birth and adoptive families are willing to come together and work hard to develop a relationship, it certainly could benefit the child in those ways and many others. The most important aspect is how well everyone really can work together to make this happen. If either family decides, for whatever reason, not to give open adoption their best efforts, then it most likely will not work for any of them.

Knowing that open adoption could be a good thing, is simply not enough however. Often the potential birthfamily and adoptive family have had no prior, first hand experience with openness, or perhaps even adoption in general. If that is the case, should people be educating and encouraging both types of potential families to pursue openness in adoption? How should this really be accomplished?

First educating those who are hoping to adopt a child needs to be done in a more comprehensive way. Those people need to hear from families who are making openness work, both birth and adoptive sides. They also need to have real and meaningful information about the differences in parenting through adoption versus biological children, the grief that birth family will experience, and the feelings of loss an adopted child can encounter.

Too often adoptive families are simply encouraged to move on after an adoption, and consider the child the same as any you might have had biologically. While you might love an adopted child just the same, parenting a child who also has another set of parents is not the same.

It is my belief adoption agencies often encourage parents to feel the same as if they were biological parents, and therefore do not go to far enough to encourage openness, especially if the adoptive family is not so interested in learning. Adoption agencies seem to promote entitlement to adoptive families as a way to feel like “real” parents, rather than openness, honesty, and attachment between both families.

Better matches between potential adopting parents and placing parents could also go a long way to ensure a higher probability of openness in any possible adoption. Doing more thorough interviews about family histories, parenting styles, values, and desires for the future of the child could help this process.

Ongoing counseling available to both birth and adoptive families through out the process of placement and long after, is something that could be very effective. Even when both families agree to openness, they are often left to their own devices after placement, and with out resources or help if difficulties arise. Ideally ongoing council options would be arranged at the time of placement, so no one needs to scramble to find services when in crisis.

From the legal end, there is much that could be changed in order to promote more truthful and possibly open adoptions. Passing laws that protect women, and give them assured adequate counseling and time to consider parenting or placement options is needed. Uniform adoption process would be helpful, and open records and equal access to information is also a key factor that needs to occur.

Right now those who even consider truly open adoptions, are still the minority. Many things have to change for those who are potentially placing a child, and especially those who are adopting children to fully explore the option of openness, and if chosen to have the education and resources to carry one out successfully.

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