Recently when I was feeling down about being a birthmother and missing Charlie, a friend who does not have a personal connection to adoption said something like, “Really? You are still upset about that? I thought you’d be over it by now. Don’t you think it is time to move on.”

Yes, I was both hurt and angered by this comment. This is someone who I thought was starting to “get it.” I thought she’d seen enough through my eyes that she was beginning to have a true glimpse as to the emotions of the heart of a birthmother. Since she recently had a child of her own, I thought that might even make it seem more real and she might could put herself in my shoes better now that she is a mother and understands a Mother’s unconditional and unending love. But apparently not.

Yes, I did try and explain that placing a child for adoption is not something that you are ever going to “get over.” I tried to convey that placing a child for adoption is a life changing event and that I will never be who I was before I had and relinquished my son. I tried to share the ups and downs of open adoption but to be completely honest, I found it very hard to articulate at that moment. I love words and love to write but at that moment I found myself stumped. I found myself unable to adequately explain what it feels like to loose a little piece of your heart.

But as I fumbled for words, I didn’t think she was truly listening. Her heart and mind weren't open at that moment. And I realized that if she wasn’t ready to truly hear me that I could talk eloquently all day long and it still wouldn’t make a difference. Maybe some day she’ll hear me.

There are going to people we will cross paths with over the years who may not really stop, listen, and hear what we are saying.



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