I have recently (as in last week) been diagnosed with a serious eye condition that will probably eventually require me to have a cornea transplant in my left eye.

Although no one in my family has this condition (at least that my parents and I are aware of) it can often be genetic. Therefore, as a birthmom in an open adoption it’s my responsibility to call A and let her know about this new diagnosis so she can have Charlie checked for it. While it’s not life threatening and treatment as a child is actually less invasive than treatment as an adult, it is still a phone call that I dreaded making.

In case you have a similar experience in the future, I have a few tips that have helped me.
First of all, let the news sink in yourself. Depending on the diagnosis, you may need a bit of time to deal with the news and sort through your own thoughts and feelings on this.

Secondly, have information ready when you call to share this news. For example, my condition is long and hard to spell so I made sure I had the post it note the doctor wrote down my condition on right next to me when I called A that way I could spell it to her. I also offered her the web address to an informative website I had found.
If your child’s parents act a little shocked or don’t say too much, don’t take it personally. Remember how you felt when you just found out, they may be feeling the same thing.

Although in this situation I am discussing the birthmother having to tell the adoptive parents about a medical condition, there may also be times in which the adoptive parents would have to tell the birthparents about a condition the adopted child has. These tips would probably be helpful in that situation as well.

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Tips on Sharing Bad News


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