Jealousy and envy may seem like odd emotions to include in this series, but I don’t think so.

I’m sure most birthmothers can attest to feeling jealous or envious related to adoption at some point and time. I know I have felt both of these emotions.

You could feel jealous or envious towards:
1. The adoptive parents – Even though making an adoption plan was your decision, you may still experience some feelings of jealousy towards the adoptive parents as they have your child, get to see most of his/her firsts, spend more time with him/her, etc.
2. Other birthmothers – You may feel jealous towards other birthmothers whose adoptions are more open or run more smoothly than yours. You may be jealous/envious of birthmothers who receive more pictures and updates than you.
3. Friends with children – You may be envious/jealous of friends who have children.

Feelings of jealousy typically stem from one’s insecurities. It’s only natural that as birthmothers we may feel insecure about our place in our child’s lives, especially in the beginning of an open adoption.
Since jealousy stems from insecurity, a lot of it has to deal with your self esteem. After going through an unplanned pregnancy and making an adoption plan, it’s only natural that your self esteem may have taken a beating. You may beat yourself up mentally for not being able to parent or not being able to give your child everything you wanted to at that time in your life.

Unfortunately there really are not a lot of tips or suggestions I can provide you with to help you deal with jealousy if it is a problem for you. A small amount of jealousy is only normal, but if it becomes overwhelming, consuming, or out of hand, you should talk to a professional therapist or counselor about it.

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Related Posts:
Roller Coaster of Emotions Anger, Guilt,Fear, and Sadness


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