I could not conclude this series without doing a section on happiness. It may feel like an odd emotion to include for the birthmother side of the adoption triad but in open adoption, there are moments of happiness.

Sometimes because there is so much loss and sadness involved in adoption from the birthmother’s point of view, that it is just nice to take a few minutes and focus, think of, and remember the moments that I smiled and felt happy.

Happiness is defined as a state of contentment or a pleasurable experience or activity. Keeping the latter part of the definition in mind, my visits automatically pop into my head. Visits are one of the happier times in open adoption. All of the other emotions covered in this series; fear, anger, sadness, jealousy, and guilt overshadow open adoption. It’s nice to find the happy moments, celebrate them, treasure them, and remember them.

Ways to remember the happier moments in open adoption
1. Write them down! Just like you journal all the other emotions, don’t forget to journal the happy times too. Write what made you happy, what you were doing, where you were, etc…
2. Take photos! Take lots of photos of those happy moments of you and your child with big cheesy grins on your faces. Later, when you are feeling unhappy, you can reflect back on these photographs.
3. Share them with others. Share your happy moments with your friends and family. Tell them all about the moments that your child makes you laugh and smile.

When we are in the midst of a visit and sharing a happy moment, it’s hard not to think about saying goodbye and parting ways from Charlie in a short time. But I try not to think of that looming goodbye and departure. I try to just live in the moment, be happy for that moment, and then deal with the other emotions as they come along.

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Related Posts:
Roller Coaster of Emotions Anger, Guilt,Fear, Sadness, and Jealousy