Fear is normal and healthy in moderation. Everyone becomes afraid of something during the course of their life and has fears. Some fears are constant meaning we may be afraid of something our whole lives, while other fears are situational, meaning we are afraid of certain things during a particular time in our life.

When you think of the word fear you may think of a fear of spiders, a fear of heights, or a fear of death. But there are smaller, more everyday type fears that each of us feels almost every single day.

During an unplanned pregnancy you may feel afraid of the unknown. Perhaps you fear making the wrong choice? Or maybe you are afraid you will not be a good mother? Once you entrust your child to his or her adoptive parents, you may feel that the adoptive parents may cut off contact or you may fear that your child will grow up and not understand why you made the choice you did and will grow up to hate you. Amongst birthmothers, I think that these are common and normal fears. When you let your fears consume you and rule your life is when it becomes unhealthy.

Ways to help you conquer your fears:

• Validate your fears by acknowledging and recognizing them.



• Talk about your fears with others in similar situations. For instance, if you are afraid of your child growing up and hating you because you made an adoption plan, discuss this fear with other birthmothers who may have similar fears.



• Don’t beat yourself up for mistakes you’ve made in the past and let the fear of making them in the future stop you from doing things.



• Write about what you are afraid of, why you are afraid of it, and when you feel most afraid of it.

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