Open adoption is like a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Just like a roller coaster, open adoption provides the participants with ups and downs and twists and turn. You are never quite sure what is coming up ahead or what is coming next.

There are so many emotions that you may be experiencing in an open adoption. You may feel happy and sad all at once.

In the next few days, we will explore the rollercoaster ride of emotions that open adoption is. I will also share with you tips on how to deal with certain emotions. Of course, since I am a birthmother, I will mainly cover them from the birthmother point of view.

Anger
Anger in it self is not bad, it’s a real emotion. The instinctive way to express anger is to respond aggressively by expressing it in a negative way, such as blowing up at someone. That is not healthy. Getting too angry is not healthy and will not solve anything. Bottling up your anger and not dealing with it is unhealthy as well. There are healthy ways in which anger can be expressed.

You may be directing your anger towards some or all of the following:

• Yourself



• Your Parents and other family members



• Your boyfriend, partner, or spouse



• Adoption professionals



• Adoptive parents



• God

You could be angry at any of the above mentioned people for a variety of reasons. You could be angry at yourself for making the decision to place your child for adoption. You could be angry at your parents and other family members for not offering you the support you felt you needed to parent. You could be angry at your baby’s father for not helping you more. You could be angry at the adoption agency for not fully educating you about open adoption. You could be angry at the adoptive parents for not following through with their promises. The list could go on and on.

Whatever the reasons are that make you angry; you need to find constructive ways to deal with your anger. Some productive ways to express anger or to cope with your anger are:

• Write a letter to who you are angry with (You don’t have to actually give it to them but just by writing it you can release some of your anger.)



• Talking to someone (such as a professional counselor) about how you feel and why.



• Try relaxation exercises such as breathing and clearing your mind of thoughts.



• Using humor - Light humor can ease your raging emotions.



• Punch your pillow.



• After you have had time to calm down and deal with your feelings, perhaps you may want to discuss what made you angry with who you were angry at, but be sure you have let enough time pass so all the anger does not resurface immediately.

--

Source