Over the weekend, I was at home alone for a bit. All was quiet and I was in a pretty mellow mood, just kind of working on some things but nothing too intent. I had the TV on for background noise as I so often do. This time it was tuned to CMT or Country Music Television if you are unfamiliar with the acronym. A video was on but I wasn’t really paying attention to the song but the chorus caught my ear and I stopped what I was doing for a moment to pay closer attention. Although the song Rocks in my Shoes by Emily West isn’t directly about adoption, there were parts that related to my journey as a birthmother.

So the song is about someone who is going through a rough time and it talks about how you can say “poor me” and have a pity party or you can press forward.

So you had some bad luck, life sucks
Can’t do nothin’ right
You took some wrong turns,
Got burned way too many times
And so you fall back with all that
hurt that just don’t wanna heal

So then you do the wow me,
This can’t be happenin’ again
Hey what’s the deal man
I can’t take much more of this
You put your time in
Payed your dues
Believe me I know how you feel

(Chorus)
I guess you gotta make a choice
What it is to fail
You can get a little down or get a little mad
When there’s stones in the road only one thing to do
You gotta learn to walk with rocks in your shoes

There are plenty of times as a birthmother that I just want to crawl in bed for days, have a private pity party, and not face the world. But what good would that do me or anyone in my life? Each time I feel that way, I make a choice. Sometimes that choice may be more unconsciously, I know what I have to do and need to do so I do it. While at the lowest points, I have to consciously make a choice and then make an effort to follow that choice.

I had a poor me trophy
Kept it on a shelf
Did the too proud,
Too cool to ask for any help
But when I gave in prayin’
I only got what answered that

And he said,
I guess you gotta make a choice
What it is to fail
You can get a little down or get a little mad
When there’s stones in the road only one thing to do
You gotta learn to walk with rocks in your shoes

Bitter’s like a weed
If you let it grow
It’s gonna trip you up, yeah
Somewhere down the road
To get where you’re going
There’s only one thing to do
You gotta learn to walk with rocks in your shoes
You better learn to walk with rocks in your shoes

The part about bitterness being a growing weed really speaks to me. It’s true that bitterness can grow and then bite you in the behind later. When I’m hurting, at times it would almost be easier to let bitterness take over but that’s not productive or healthy for me.

And the last line “Keep on walkin’ with rocks in your shoes” really speaks to me as well. I know that I have to keep on keeping on. I have to push forward no matter how painful it gets, I must keep pushing and trying to move forward.

There will always be days that it is really hard, but songs like this remind me that it is part of the journey.

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