Sometimes once you divulge to someone that you are a birthmother, they respond negatively or perhaps their attitude and demeanor just seems to change. Either way, you are probably feeling judged and guarded at this point in the conversation.

So, how should one respond as birthmother dealing with the negative comments of strangers or acquaintances?

If you feel like it, then educate them about adoption. Maybe they are unaware that there really isn’t a stereotypical birthmother nowadays, maybe they are unaware that birthmothers really do love their children, or maybe they are unaware of what open adoption is and the benefits of it for the child.

A lot of times, I think people have preconceived notions about certain subjects because they are uneducated about it. Parenting a special needs child taught me a long time ago that people may not intentionally try to be negative but they are just ignorant or uneducated, which led me to creating a small brochure about cerebral palsy that I would hand out to people in our community when they were rude or staring at Noah. The feedback was amazing!

I haven’t gone that far with adoption, but I do keep that same thought in mind when people make comments that may be because they are uneducated. Perhaps you are the first birthmother they have ever come face to face with. If you take the time to educate them perhaps you will change their opinion or enlighten them and if you don’t change their opinion (because some people are so stubborn and set in their ways that you just can’t) then don’t sweat. At least you tried!

I understand there may be times and circumstances when you just don’t feel like educating people about birthmothers or adoption. I have come across those times when I am just tired, frustrated, or don’t have the mental energy to dive into a big explanation and teaching lesson and those are the times that I just the let the comments go and don’t think too much about them, especially if this is a stranger and not someone I will probably talk with again or on a very regular basis.

And if the conversation just takes a really nasty turn, don’t hesitate to just walk away! There are definitely times when conversations become heated that I need a time out!

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