I received the following question from a reader who is an adoptive mom.

My son’s birthmom and her new husband are expecting a baby boy soon. I have saved a lot of the clothes my son wore as an infant. Do you think it would be ok to pass along some of these clothes to her? I don’t want to imply that she can’t afford to buy her baby clothes but these clothes are in excellent condition and I thought she might like to have them.

Let me start by reminding you that each birthmother is different. I can only explain how I would feel in this situation and perhaps some other birthmothers will chime in but I can’t speak for this particular birthmom involved.

I wouldn’t mind this at all. First of all, babies outgrow their clothes so quickly that if someone offered me “hand-me-downs” I would probably jump at the offer to take them. In fact, my son’s Mom has previously mentioned that she saved baby clothes in case I have another baby.

Practicality aside, it would be meaningful for me to have clothes on a subsequent child that my placed child had worn. Typically many mothers who plan on having more children save their child’s baby clothes and use them for the next child if possible. (Assuming they are the same gender or it was gender neutral clothes.) And as they dress their second child in the same clothes their first child wore they are reminded of memories from parenting that first child.

The same sort of situation could apply here. The birthmom might recognize certain clothing items from photos or perhaps things she had bought for her child. But on the flip side, that could also be bittersweet as there will be clothes that she doesn’t know the meaning behind them.
So, my advice to you is to casually mention this to your son’s birthmom. Just let her know that you have these clothes and she is welcome to them if she’d like them and then if she doesn’t she can just say no.

--
Related Posts:
Other Reader Questions



Photo Credit