The rule I set for Jay worked. About two minutes after Jay hung up the phone, I saw him marching through the crowd inside the fairgrounds. I could tell by his determined pace and pose that he was in an extremely foul mood.

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However, I was relieved. He was finally here and exiting through the gates. Now that I could see him I could manage the rest. I’d talk to him and defuse his anger to the point he’d calmly follow us to the car. Once in the car he’d have fifteen or more minutes to decompress before we reached our baby-in-law’s* house and then he could assume a reasonable attitude for the rest of the afternoon.

When I said reasonable, I meant quiet and not openly brooding. I didn’t expect happy or joyful or even conversational. He just needed to behave in a way that was livable for everyone.

I didn’t expect Jay to ‘feel’ better, but I would set a new rule for him once I could quietly pull him to the side. It would be the ‘you choose to be happy or mad’ speech combined with ‘you have 10 minutes to feel mad, sad, and angry and then you’re going to put on a fake smile and join the rest of us’ rule. I’d also tell him we’d talk later about how we could better navigate this sort of situation in the future – on both his and my part.

I turned and said to the others, “Here he comes.” Jimmy, Dan and Kathy* looked relieved. Craig fussed. Finally we could get going. I left my sentry post and walked towards the exit to meet up with Jay.

Jay didn’t let me get close. He saw me coming close and walked furiously faster. He rushed past me and kept up his quick march past the other four and headed towards the parking lot.

Jay’s gait was uncoordinated and his stomping steps looked comical. His walk, clinched fists and dramatic facial expressions caught the attention of those he walked past. Jay didn’t notice the mini-commotion he was causing. He was too locked up in his own world.

At least he was headed to the car. We’d catch up with him there ... or so I thought.

Check the 'Special Needs Kids' category for more in this series.

*Dan and Kathy are my son Craig's grandfather and aunt on his birth dad's side. Their names have been changed to protect their privacy.

*Baby-in-laws is how we refer to being family to one another through open adoption. One day I told Dan that he feels like my in-law but wasn’t sure how that worked since he wasn’t Jimmy’s dad. He said we’re baby-in-laws! The name has stuck.