I was angry with myself for Jay’s disappearance. I should have slowed down and taken the time to talk him through the ride. I knew he was really upset and scared by it. I carelessly had pushed his feelings and needs aside to go have fun.

I should have felt remorseful, but instead I was angry again. This time I was angry with Jay. Couldn’t we have just one day in public without the careful two-stepping and quiet redirection? I wanted a day I didn’t have to interpret other people’s words to him and then vice versa. I knew Jimmy didn’t understand Jay’s melt down signals. I should have alerted Jimmy to be extra watchful before I ever got strapped in.

I wasn’t having a good mommy moment. I was having a very selfish, frustrated melt-down moment of my own. However, I was doing it via internal thoughts. Outwardly I pasted on a smile and said to the others, “Let’s head to the front of the park. He’s probably waiting for us there.”

Jay carried a personal cell phone. It was meant for moments like these where we got separated. It was meant for him to use in case of emergency or in social situations he found himself overwhelmed and apart from us. I didn’t care if he was at school, at a friend’s house or the local card shop he hung out with friends – he could call us at any time and we’d be right there.

Jay’s cell phone was my direct safety line to him. And he wasn’t answering.

In the past, Jared would talk to me or make some sort of communication connection in these types of situations. Even if he wouldn’t talk, he’d acknowledge me. I knew he was purposefully ignoring my call.

I switched tactics and said to Jimmy, “Give me your phone.” Jimmy looked startled. “He’s mad at me. He might take a phone call from you.” Jimmy shrugged his shoulders and handed his phone over. I knew he was thinking ‘that would be a first’.

Check the 'Special Needs Kids' category for more in this series.

*Dan and Kathy are my son Craig's grandfather and aunt on his birth dad's side. Their names have been changed to protect their privacy.

*Baby-in-laws is how we refer to being family to one another through open adoption. One day I told Dan that he feels like my in-law but wasn’t sure how that worked since he wasn’t Jimmy’s dad. He said we’re baby-in-laws! The name has stuck.

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