Once all the planning is done and you know what you are doing for a visit and when you are having the visit, you might need to begin preparing yourself emotionally.

Sometimes I feel like I am gearing up for battle, putting on my protective armor, to protect my heart. For most birthmothers, visits are so bittersweet. We are so happy that we get to see and spend time with our children, but are also sad because we will have to say goodbye as the visit ends.

I usually have to psyche myself up before a visit. I have to tell myself “you are strong, you can handle this.” Sometimes (it’s gotten better as Charlie gets older) I will get teary eyed during the visit. This is ok if it happens to you too. I usually would just excuse myself for a minute, retreat to the bathroom, and take a moment to breathe, then re-join everyone.

I also get nervous butterflies and am very anxious about the visit. In the beginning, when Charlie was a baby and we were just starting visits, the nervous butterflies were much worse. I’d worry that I would say or do the wrong thing and offend Charlie’s adoptive parents in some way. But now, that we are almost six years into this open adoption, I am much more confident and do not worry quite as much about saying or doing the wrong thing.

The visits in general have gotten easier as time wears on. That’s not to say that they are not emotional but they are not quite as emotional when Charlie was still a cute and cuddly baby and I’d just sit there and hold him. Now that he is a growing, wild, almost six year old we can really interact, play together, and spend quality time with one another.

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Related Posts in this Series:
The Importance of Visits
How to Plan a Visit|
Visit Activities