It seems like everyone around me is either pregnant or knows someone who is pregnant. For new birthmothers and even not so new birthmothers dealing with friends or family members who are pregnant, baby showers, and all the festivities that goes along with a happy pregnancy can be emotional.

For me personally, I want to be supportive and genuinely happy for friends that are pregnant but sometimes it is difficult, especially if the circumstances of their life are similar to what mine were during my pregnancy that resulted in making an adoption plan. I am envious of the fact that they are making it (a parenting plan) work and am envious of the support they may have that I was lacking at that time.

For about the first year after Charlie was born talking to pregnant people, seeing pregnant people, baby showers, and even just seeing babies was difficult for me. I’d instantly think of my pregnancy or my baby and my heart would be hurting. About six months after Charlie was born, I did attend (and assist) with a baby shower/moving party for a very dear friend (who’s husband died when she was just 3 months pregnant) who supported me so much during my pregnancy and while it was emotional I knew it was something I had to do because of everything she had been through and everything she’d done for me. But aside from that I didn’t attend another baby shower until Charlie was nearly two.

Luckily, I have no pregnant family members or super close friends in the same state at the moment, if I did I might feel more obligated to attend but at this point in my life, I’m just not really up to attending any baby showers. I know some people may see that as being selfish but it’s what I need right now to be healthy and would my friends rather be attend their party or be healthy and sane? I hope they’d choose the latter.

In my next post, I’ll share some tips on how to get through showers if you feel obligated to attend.

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