The downside to my recent visit with Charlie and his family for his Kindergarten graduation has been dealing with my emotions afterwards. It was bittersweet being able to attend his graduation ceremony. It was amazing spending time with him and seeing his personality come through more than I ever have before.

But at the same time leaving him was so hard. Usually I try to prepare myself ahead of time for the “goodbye.” I tend to try and think of it as “see you later” versus “goodbye.” I remind myself that a visit can’t last forever that it will end. But this time, none of that worked. None of it seemed to even matter.

When I was with him, I felt almost whole again. I didn’t want our time together to end. I didn’t want to come home and feel the hole in my heart again. I usually am a little sad and down after a visit but can usually pull myself back up again pretty quickly. But for some reason, I can’t seem to pull myself back up yet.

Visits are just another part of the emotional roller coaster of open adoption. Don’t get me wrong, I am so glad that I am able to spend time with Charlie but at times it is very challenging. There is so much build up before a visit. I still get nervous butterflies before a visit. I get excited and look forward to it. And then I’m at the visit and it seems surreal. But then, suddenly it’s time to say goodbye and it’s over. I always feel a huge let down that I have tagged the post visit blues; although that title doesn’t really do it justice.

I’ve spoken with other birthmothers who experience this too. Do you feel sadness and “post visit blues” after visits with your child? I’ll share how I get through this period of sadness after a visit in my next post.

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Related Posts:
See you Later instead of Goodbyes
More on Visits in the Visits Category



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