As with any relationship an open adoption is bound to have a few bumps in the road at some point. Finding support and resources to help you and the others involved work out any conflict can be more challenging in some situations than in others.

If you worked with an adoption agency post placement services may be available to both birth and adoptive families or perhaps even joint counseling through the agency. If you adopted or placed privately and independent of an adoption agency you might find yourself looking on your own for a counselor/counselors with experience in adoption issues to assist everyone.

So what does one consider when looking to find post adoption counseling for open adoption concerns? Well to begin with adoptive parent should not be providing advice or counsel themselves to the birthfamily of their child about adoption issues or grief. Their position makes them too emotionally involved in the situation and it certainly becomes a conflict of interest. If a birthparent is relying on the adoptive family to meet her needs for grief resolution this will almost certainly create conflict for the adoptive family too. They may wish to help and have love and concern for her feelings but are at odds with some of the things she will need to process as part of her own healing.

Likewise adoptive parents have very specific needs related to their different grief and loss in adoption and trying to be the sole support system for their child’s birthmother might hinder their own healing process. The situation that would involve birthparents and adoptive parents meeting for sessions may call for one therapist, but it may be most desirable then for each party to also have their own separate therapist to help meet their additional individual needs away from this setting.

Finding a counselor who has experience with adoption related issues is a must. I would even take this as far as to suggest that if you are doing group counseling with your child’s birthfamily the person with whom you are working needs to have prior experience treating both birth and adoptive parents. Equally true as a birthparent if you are seeking individual counseling finding someone who has previous experience with treating other birthparents is essential. Looking first to an agency (if used) and then to recommendations from your general physician and perhaps health insurance referrals and even the local phone directory to locate counseling is a good way to begin. Sometimes adoption support related groups also have a listing of available resources for post placement counseling.

Remember during your search for assistance that everyone’s needs are different, but that the needs of the children involved are paramount. Sometimes sadly one party may withdrawal from counseling or therapy with the group but it is important to leave the option for them to return to the discussion available if they should choose so to do. Children may not understand why some family members may choose to decline counsel and it is also important to address their emotions and feelings about this development as well. Letting children know that they have not done anything wrong to bring about any difficulties that the adults are experiencing is crucial. The main thing in any type of relationship is to allow room for reconciliation and to keep the people who were benefitting most from the contact in touch with counselors and treatments to help them through the difficult adjustments that must be made.

Resources

Adoptive Parents Should Not Provide Post Adoption Support To Birthparents

Supporting Loving Families After Adoption

After Adoption- The Need For Services