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One of the negatives of open adoption for me has to be hearing my son call his adoptive mother, “mom.” I didn’t really give this much thought while I was pregnant and making an adoption plan and it’s not typically something that the adoption agencies or other adoption professionals mention to expectant moms, so it’s one of those things that just hits some of us (ME!) later on when it finally happens. I was pretty unprepared for that first time that I heard Charlie call A “Mommy.” It was a heartbreaking moment and at first, I didn’t even realize what he’d said and who he had said it to. Then after a minute, it hit me that he’d said Mommy and it was not directed towards me.
Of course, my brain wants this. My brain wants Charlie to be bonded with A, love her unconditionally, and call her “Mom.” I want him and her to have the same relationship any other Mother and son would have. I want him to run to her when he is hurt or sad and I want him to run to her when he is excited and happy. My brain wants that but my heart is a different story. It’s painful and tugs at my heart I hear Charlie call A Mom. It’s easier to hear him call her that now, than it was initially. The first time I heard him call her Mom was incredibly painful and kind of solidified my loss.
I am so grateful that I have an open adoption and that I have the opportunity to be a part of Charlie’s life and watch him grow up but it’s times like this – when I hear Charlie call A. Mommy – that make open adoption so hard and so very bittersweet. Those are the times that I feel negatively.
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Other Positives and Negatives in my NaBloPoMo Series:
Positive: Visits
More on Calling Someone Else Mother:
Calling Someone Else Mommy
Photo Credit: Coley Strickland
ouch! thinking of you, Coley…..