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Today I will begin the afore mentioned series for NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) in which I will post a different negative or positive aspect of open adoption primarily based on my own personal experiences each day through out the month of November. Since I am typically one of those “good news first” type of people, I will kick off this series with a positive post.
One of the most positive aspects of my open adoption has been our visits. Some days I don’t know that I would mentally be where I am today regarding adoption with out the visits and the openness and the opportunity to know how Charlie is doing. That’s not to say that it makes it easy or my grief any less, but I do think in some way it helps. Or at least I tell myself that!
Our visits began when Charlie was just a little over a week old. Although, he does not remember that first visit, it’s etched in my memory and we have the photos to prove it. Our visits have continued since that first one, some taking place in one another’s homes, some were outings to restaurants or fun parks, and others were get togethers for special occasions such as birthdays or holidays like Christmas. Some of our visits have just been us (meaning myself, my husband, Noah, and Charlie’s parents and sister) while others have included extended family members such as my parents or A’s parents.
Our visits give us the opportunity to get to know one another, not just Charlie and me, but they have brought me closer with his parents and give us an opportunity talk, discuss things, and just spend time with another. Ya know, like extended families do!
Our visits have allowed me to have constant on going contact and personal interaction with Charlie, this way I’m not a stranger entering his life when he’s a teenager or a young adult. I’ve been there all along. Our visits have also given Charlie and Noah the opportunity to know one another and develop some type of brotherly relationship. Although, it’s not the same type of sibling relationship they may have had if they were raised in the same home, it is still a connection that they are both aware of and that the adults involved nurture and hope that they will be able to continue a sibling relationship when they are adults.
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More on Visits:
How to Bond with Your Child during Visits
The First Visit
The Importance of Visits
Photo Credit: Coley Strickland
Some days I don’t know that I would mentally be where I am today regarding adoption with out the visits and the openness and the opportunity to know how Charlie is doing. That’s not to say that it makes it easy or my grief any less, but I do think in some way it helps. Or at least I tell myself that!
I agree with this statement. That doesn’t mean I think visits are easy sometimes or that the time between them doesn’t stink but… I don’t think I’d be where I am without them!
adorable picture! Coley, your open adoption is one of the very few I’ve read about that seems to be going well. Thank you for sharing it with us, your readers, and for being the mature, forward thinking person you are!
Thanks Sue, I hope that by sharing it so publicly others can be more open to the idea of open adoption or learn from our situation.