One of the positives in our open adoption has definitely become my relationship with Charlie’s adoptive parents. I did choose them to be Charlie’s adoptive parents while I was still pregnant, so I did have the time before he was born to get to know them. Although he was born early, so it wasn’t that terribly long. Our relationship before Charlie was born and the time directly after he was born was like walking on eggshells. We were all treading new waters not really knowing exactly what the “right” thing to do or say was.

It was difficult and just as the there is the saying about “Rome wasn’t built in a day,” our relationship certainly was not established in on day either. But from the very beginning we always worked at our relationship. We knew that we wanted to have an open relationship and be like extended family to one another. We all felt that this was what was best for Charlie, so with that goal in mind, we worked at it. We trusted one another and discussed things when they needed to be discussed. We talked about how we were feeling when it was appropriate and tried to be open with one another. It’s taken time and work, but I’m proud of the relationship that we (J and I) have built with S and A and I know that they are too.

I’m closer to A than I am S but I have a lot of things in common with S such as our love of music and Bette Midler! But I’m more bonded with A. I think that that’s probably pretty normal though for a birthmom to be more bonded and have more of a relationship with her child’s adoptive mother versus her child’s adoptive father. As I’ve written before, I have a sisterly type relationship with A, with her being much like the big sister I never had but always wanted. Not only are S and A my son’s parents; but they are also my friends and my extended family.

I realize that not all adoptive parents and birthparents have this type of relationship and we are truly blessed and that’s why I consider it a huge positive in our open adoption.

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Other Positives and Negatives in my NaBloPoMo Series:
Positive: Visits
Negative: Hearing Him Call Someone Else Mom

More on Relationships between Adoptive Mothers and Birth Mothers:
Being Friends with My Child’s Adoptive Mom
Bonding Moments

Photo Credit: Coley Strickland