In my last post I discussed how to respond to a comment regarding your status as a birthmother if the comment is negative. In this post, we will discuss positive comments and how to establish and set boundaries in conversations.

If their comment is of the positive nature, then it is much easier and more fun to respond! When they are responding positively, I find myself much more likely to open up and share parts of my adoption story with them. I am even willing to pull out photos and show them off if it seems appropriate. You are still a Mom and have the right to brag about your child! So if you are feeling comfortable enough in the conversation, then don’t hesitate to pull out those photos. I never miss an opportunity to show off photos of one or both of my boys!

When the conversation and responses are of a positive nature, I also don’t mind questions. However, if the questions become too nosey or personal, don’t hesitate to let the person know that you don’t like the direction that the conversation (and/or comments and questions) is taking.

Know what your boundaries are, know ahead of time what topics are off limits or make you very uncomfortable. Think about this before you ever even get involved in a conversation with someone and again if the conversation takes a turn in that direction, you need to politely yet firmly let the person that you are conversing with know that you are treading on icy topics.

People are curious creatures and they often enjoy hearing and listening to our stories and in turn are learning more about us as individuals, as well as birthmothers but don’t feel obligated to share more than you are comfortable with sharing, especially if they are strangers. There is no point in telling a person that you do not have an ongoing relationship with your deepest innermost thoughts!
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Responding to Negative Comments