Sometimes in relationships there are hurdles or obstacles that are thrown our way. These hurdles can strain a relationship at times, but typically with good communication, respect for each other, and patience these hurdles can be overcome.

There has been an ongoing hurdle in our open adoption relationship since January. I’ve only shared this hurdle with a few people. I haven’t spoken of it publicly (or had permission to) until now.

During the first week of January, I received a phone call from A (Charlie’s adoptive Mom). She was calling to tell me that she and S (Charlie’s adoptive Dad) were separating. That news hit me hard, I didn’t see it coming.

One of the big reasons I made an adoption plan for Charlie was because I didn’t want to have two children coming from “broken” homes. I had been raised by a Mother and a Father and I felt like I was already failing as a Mother to Noah since his Dad and I divorced so when Charlie came along, not being able to provide him with a two parent home was a big reason in making an adoption plan.

So to find out that a big part of why I made an adoption plan in the first place was no longer in existence did a number to my heart for a little while. I just needed a little bit of time and space to sort it all out, but I also wanted to be there for Charlie because I knew this would be much harder on him, his sister, and his Mom than me.

Things are going better now though. I have had time to mentally deal with this, as have Charlie and his family. By communicating with A and being there emotionally for Charlie as much as I could handle, I think we have made it through this hurdle. A and S are trying couples counseling and A has hope that they may be able to work it out and most importantly, we came through this obstacle as an extended family and know that we will be able to handle more obstacles if and when life doles them out.

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Explaining the Adoption Tough Stuff

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